Beauty is not determined by the number on the scale

Hi there!

I finally followed up with my doctor regarding last week’s urgent care adventure.

One of the bad things about being a Navy wife is having to change doctors every 3 years or so.  Not this time!  I wasn’t a huge fan of my doctor in Florida so I was NOT sad to leave him at all. I was, however, SUPER bummed when we moved to Florida and I had to leave my doctor in Maryland. I loved her.

I’ve had 2 doctors that I’ve really connected with and, interestingly enough, they were both women, athletes, and moms. They got me. I miss them.

My new doctor is a woman, she’s in pretty decent shape so I’m betting that she works out, and I learned that she’s a Navy wife! We didn’t get into a huge discussion – there were lots of sick and coughing patients in the waiting room – so I don’t know about kids, etc but first impressions are important and this one was good. 🙂

And then there was the moment with the scale.

scale

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I hate the scale.

I shouldn’t hate the scale but I do.

I’m healthy (blood pressure’s under control, thankyouverymuch!), I eat well, I exercise regularly and one step onto the scale and I feel as if I’m being judged.

Not weighed so my doctor will know what dosage amounts of medicine to give me should I need them but JUDGED.

Judged for that Dove Dark Chocolate Promise I had after lunch.

Judged for eating almond butter in my oatmeal at breakfast and peanut butter on my banana at snack.

Judged for having a second glass of wine.

Or for a piece of amazingly delicious double chocolate bundt cake with chocolate ganache that I made for my grandma.

And the scoop of vanilla ice cream I had with it.

Now, I know that muscle weighs more and, with CrossFit as a normal part of my “diet,” I’m going to have some of that (hopefully) and that inevitably pushes the number up a little but still …

I kinda freak out a little as the nurse pushes the weight bar and it stops at a higher tick mark than I would prefer.

The sound of it dropping into that little slot resonates through my brain like a gun shot.

Where does that come from?

Why should it even matter?!

Now, I know my doctor isn’t judging me and I’m pretty sure the nurse isn’t judging me either.

Am I being judged then by the scale?

Hm. Probably not.

So, basically, I’m judging myself.

On a preconceived notion of beauty determined by society.

Am I thin enough? Am I tall enough? Is my butt too big or too small? (seriously, botox injections for your butt? No.)  My boobs aren’t big enough. My boobs are too big. When I smile, I look like I have a double chin. My teeth are crooked. My nose is too big.

I need to stop.

We ALL need to stop.

Beauty is not determined by the number on the scale.

everyoe

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Beauty comes from within.

pretty

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Pretty sure the scale isn’t going to measure the beauty of my soul.

Or yours.

It’s hard to remember that though, after sitting in the waiting room reading trashy magazines where stars and starlets are called out for the Best and Worst Beach Bodies or put on the “baby bump” list because maybe they’re shapely and curvaceous or their pants don’t fit well or they were photographed from a bad angle.

And then, your name is called and it’s your turn and the first place they take you is the scale.

Judgement.

Your “weighing in.”

For the prize fight in which you are about to compete.

Good grief, if your doctor’s appointment is like a boxing or wrestling match, maybe it’s time you found a new doctor!

Seriously, if you are trying to lose weight for HEALTH, then stepping on the scale is a good thing. To track progress. To celebrate accomplishments.

But, judging yourself and your worth based solely by the number you see?

No bueno.

Coincidentally, I decided that I needed to start using the My Fitness Pal app again.

I started today, as a matter of fact.

I only use it occasionally and mostly to track my ration of protein, fats, and carbs to make sure I’m getting enough. There was a point in time where I was definitely not getting enough protein and my workouts were faltering. I didn’t realize that was the problem until I used the app and it helped me adjust my diet accordingly.

This time, though?

Not for the same reason.

I’m embarrassed now, after all the words I’ve written above, to share with you why I felt it necessary to start again.

This picture.

3 generations!

3 generations!

I feel like my face looks too round. And maybe a little chunky.

Stupid, right?

I know. I’m lame.

As you can see in the picture, I come by the roundish face somewhat naturally.

It’s kinda in my genetic make-up.

Which makes me even more lame for being self-conscious about it.

*sigh*

I think I’m going to uninstall the app from my phone.

And then, I’m going to go for a run.

And celebrate the things my body can do and is good at.

And then, I’m going to give Thing 2 a hug (yep, a big ole SWEATY hug) and celebrate the fact that my body MADE her. And her sister. Whom I can’t hug because she’s a few states away. I’ll call her instead.

And, I want you to do the same!

Well, your preferred form of exercise is acceptable. You don’t HAVE to run. You do have to hug your own kids though. Not mine. 😉

But, I want you to celebrate YOU.

And then look in the mirror and say –

Yep, I’m awesome. I kick ass. And, I’m BEAUTIFUL!

Because you are. 🙂

Talk to me: I’d appreciate your thoughts on this and would love to hear anything you want to share. 🙂

– jennifer

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11 thoughts on “Beauty is not determined by the number on the scale

  1. You are a skinny mini and, more importantly, an awesomely active person in great shape. You look amazing in that picture and don’t need mfp!

    • Thanks, Sarah. I’m usually okay but I have those moments. I’m really excellent at being my own worst enemy! And you are looking pretty amazing, too! Noticed you were looking for mfp buddies the other day. Should we buddy up and uninstall? 😉

      • I probably SHOULD uninstall. I don’t need to lose weight and mfp makes me feel inadequate. But I’ll admit I like being able to keep tabs on my sugar intake. Le sigh.

      • It would be great if natural sugars and added sugars could be separated into different categories. I can go over the “prescribed” amount at breakfast if I have blueberries, strawberries, and a banana in my oatmeal. Le sigh indeed.

      • That’s what pisses me off–not being able to separate natural from added! And I think it encourages people to try to go under calories even if that isn’t their ideal.

  2. Well, that was one awesome post of yours I just read, Jennifer!
    And that is one more reason to celebrate YOU – you are smart, funny, brave and inspiring.
    You go get those runs and hugs done and forget the stupid scale 🙂
    And, I am going to link back to the comment you once left on my blog. Right here: http://leanlena.com/2014/01/03/resolutions-anyone/
    Now go read before you do the runs and hugs 🙂

    • Thanks Lena! It wasn’t easy to write – well, the last part of it anyway. I firmly believe that the number on the scale doesn’t ever define a person or beauty but it’s so much easier to tell that to other people. I actually hadn’t been on a scale in months so I was surprised it had that effect on me. Combined with the insecurity of how I look in photos, this morning was a challenge. I’m really glad you reminded me of what I told you in response to your resolutions. I definitely needed that. 🙂

  3. I’m a guy, so this topic is not one where I carry much credibility. But Lauren Fleshman certain does. She has a blog (asklaurenfleshman.com) and writes for runner’s world. She recently wrote about body issues on both sites. AWESOME stuff, since she just had a baby. Oh yeah, she’s an american champion at the 5k and runs for/part owns Oiselle. Also a great site. Check it all out and then tell me how badass women really are, including you. Now go get ’em.

    By the way, I think I may run my first 26.2 in May. Since I just turned 40 I may go for a Boston Qualifier. Any advice for marathon training? I really don’t like pavement AT ALL, most of my 1200 miles last year were on dirt/mud/rock/snow. I has 250k feet of vert. Pavement hurts way worse. Trick of the trade? I’m open.

    • It speaks volumes that you read Lauren Fleshman’s blog. She really is pretty awesome. 🙂

      So, you’re going to run your first 26.2 AND shoot for a BQ at the same time?! If you do that, you’re totally pacing me when I shoot for my BQ! Which race are you going to do? As for advice, the best I can give is get used to running on the road. Sounds simple enough but you’re right – road is different and has a different effect on your body. Add it in slowly, balancing road with trails. As long as your body becomes accustomed to it, you should be fine. Plus, you’ll spend a lot less time on it than you think since you are a speed demon!

      • Ha, I may be biting off more than I can chew for sure. It’s a little marathon in Boise called The Famous Idaho Potato Marathon. Net downhill, so it should be fairly fast. I haven’t really run anything like that. I have run a Rock n Roll half in Portland a couple of years ago, but had a really gimpy calf for 12.1 miles. Then ran a local half that ran up a hill and back down but was over trained (2 speed days a week is too much). Haven’t nailed the workouts and training very well. I figure that I will have 2 workouts a week (speed, long run) and those will be on pavement. Everything else will be off road. We’ll see how it goes, I’m not willing to risk injury for a BQ. I love to run too much!

        Back to the body issue though, I think too much emphasis is put on weight loss for women as opposed to fitness and strength. Heck, even when women do strength work it’s usually a joke. Women should be putting up 10x the weight that they do! It won’t make them anything but strong. I think that trying to get in shape is a ruse. Do what you love and your body will transform into the right shape.

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